I do not recommend: Hangry Joe's

I think in the era of everything getting a score, numbers and stars have become arbitrary. If we’re being honest, most people scroll straight past any restaurant that scores less than 4, when oftentimes it’s a handful of Karens or clowns dragging the total down by giving 1/5 for some insane reason. I object to this new standard, so will simply recommend or not recommend a visit. At the end, I’ll give different categories a win (W), loss (L), or neutral (N).

I don't recommend Hangry Joe's.

I was trained by, and worked alongside, passionate cooks who believe that cooking good food is a great thing. I believe that customers deserve value and honesty in the food they're served. We expect Maximum Effort in our procurement, technique, and execution.

Hangry Joe's seems to believe in Low Effort.

Dimly lit entry, no presence at the counter, a lifeless order kiosk, and walls adorned with what whatever Getty Images of chicken sandwiches were available.

You're greeted with a reasonably bloat-less menu (just 1 salad) filled with the usual suspects, some waffles, a wrap, basic entree-side-drink combos, and some bizarrely branded selection of cheeses options. I ask honestly: is Tostitos the cheese sauce the people crave? Not this Texan. I also don't immediately associate gelatinous factory cheese with Nashville Hot. I chose life instead, and ordered a trendy combo spiced to “Angry Hot” (accompanied by waiver) and a side of cider slaw. All for a casual $20. Value!

I picked up my order from a human before he disappeared back behind the curtain. In my dimly lit booth I took inventory: four small tenders, a small bag of crinkles, a 2oz rammy of sauce and a cup of white cabbage slaw, sans carrots or any other sign of life. The taste and texture of the chicken was average, and as I'm sure you could guess by now the spice was laughable. Hardly a tingle. The fries were average. The slaw was low effort, and tastes like it was hardly more than some mayo and some cider vinegar. No flair. Just three dollars and ninety-five cents of sadness. I finished my $20 meal, dealt with my tray, and on my way out passed four gentlemen with laptops that I only assume chose this place because they knew it would be quiet.

Hangry Joe's is a chain, but it must be because it's closer to a Planarian worm than a business. You hurt it and it simply slithers away to make a new location, leaving the cut tail behind to continue it's “life.”

My own Joe gets hangry sometimes, but he would never let that be an excuse to put such little effort into his work. But maybe he's just special like that.

Heat: L

Value: L

Appearance: L

Taste: N

Effort: L